Changes

Sometimes I feel my Heavenly Father pull me away from the moment and show me my blessings in a bigger picture. This morning is one of those needed times. 

Blessings are something that I have absolutely no shortage of. When I need to be nudged outside of the moment, they are always the slice that reminds me to be meek and humble and live in God's time, not my own.

Lately, Spencer and I have been struggling with our five year plan. We are at the point that the next couple of years are going to determine so much for our future and we need to decide where we want that direction to be. I hate to admit it, but sometimes my desires are based on comparisons with others. I can't help but question where I want to be based on other's blessings. I am so glad that I have my Heavenly Father to remind me that this type of 'planning' is the wrong way to help my family. So, when I get caught up in worldly worries it takes His hand to show me happier, simpler moments to be reminded what is really important. 

When I was growing up, all I wanted to do was be an author. I wanted so badly to write a book that would have the same effect on others that books had on me. I would spend hours in my room typing on my grandfather's ancient laptop, coming up with stories about mermaids and what it was like being in fourth grade and what would happen if I could control the weather. Deep stuff, I tell ya! 

The littlest emotion or miracle from nature would inspire confidence that I would do great things in life. 

My childhood home was in the middle of the country, far away from civilization. This lifestyle led us to embrace homeschooling, give up television, internet, videogames, Walmart and many opportunities that city life brings. However, it also provided my siblings and I with a canvas for our imagination to come and go as we pleased and make our own fun in the orchards. 

When I look back at the simple lifestyle that made our family so happy I long to leave these hard, worldly decisions behind and go back to that place. However, I have also learned so much since leaving home and there are things that keep me moving forward. Even our country environment is changing and growing. I know that it's not the same place that I grew up. I recognize that while I learned who I was on my own, I want my future children to have more opportunities than I did in the middle of nowhere. 

I am learning that growing up means more responsibilities to my new life, including these hard decisions. In order to have the best for my future family, I need to carefully consider with my husband what are the best things for us to do and where are the best places for us to go in this quickly changing world. I also know that if my Father in Heaven meant for me to live a quiet life in the country for the rest of my days, that is where I would be. Instead, I have moved on to the next area and I will trust in Him to help us realize where to go after this.

I know this because He placed me in the perfect place to grow up. I wouldn't be who I am today if His hand wasn't leading me in all things.